So I don’t know if this was a Californian thing, or a United States thing, or what kind of a thing this was but it took over my entire Instagram feed one day and so I felt obliged to be a part of it (peer pressure at it’s finest, folks). If you were unaware of this shit storm, this was the picture that took over Instagram:
Nothing special. Nothing at all special about this- except that the caption said something along the lines of “So this swimsuit? Yah, it’s free if you repost this picture in 24 hours. Crazy right? I know. A catch? No, no catch- I mean you have to pay for shipping and handling- but what’s a catch? Bish, get it already” (okay I might’ve paraphrased a bit)(literally all of it)(it’s fine). So everyone was in on it, meaning everyone reposted it, meaning everyone’s feed was one picture (one very not special picture, might I add). Instagram was one picture for 24 hours. One shitty picture.
What I found funny was the fact I had no idea about this because I tend to forget about Instagram (I literally check once in the morning and then bail). So how did I find out about this ridiculous ‘free’ swimsuit that took over Instagram? I was on a group call with a few of my dude friends and they told me about it. Who would’ve thought that these dudes would be more hip then me, the hip queen? (I’m imagining being the queen of literal hip bones)(I target old people, which is why they always complain about their ‘bad hip’)(somebody help me).
Anyways, I got sucked in. If you know me well, then you know I’m an advocate for free shit. There was a time in my life where I went to every ‘national ice cream day’ or ‘national donut day’ just to get free stuff- that’s right, I will go out of my way just to get something free, even if I don’t want it. Now that’s dedication. Long story short, I reposted the picture on Instagram and ordered one of these tacky red swimsuits (called ‘The Pamela’ or something stupid like that, clearly Baywatch inspired) and thought, what’s the worst thing that could happen? It was only around $12 for shipping, and originally it was $65, so that’s good- right? (nah bish, that was a warning)
To be honest, I should’ve taken the entire website as a red flag. Nearly all of their products were cringey af. For example, in this link , it shows a girl modeling a skirt the company sells, and I straight up feel bad for her. Not only is the skirt just long enough for her to be able to stand perfectly still and be covered (any motion = bye clothing, hello nudity), but the top barely covers her nipples (her boobs are already out, there’s no saving them- rip). However, the biggest red flag was the ‘About Us’ page, which is truly comical. This page is where they explain how they are just two quirky college douchebags who like ocean puns and making college girls wear as little clothing as possible- but that’s okay because they “want to be a company that listen’s to every single customers wants and needs” (this is what they want, not at all what they are, but what a quirky, considerate idea). The only thing good about the company is that they will donate $1 from every purchase (once again: super considerate of them, especially considering their clothing is, on average, around $100) to the Alzheimer’s Association. How nice, 1% of your proceeds go to an actual, deserving cause. You two guys really make a difference now don’t you? Your parents must be so proud. I know I wouldn’t be, but that’s just me being quirky(:
Guys, the shade is real. Yet, I bought the suit anyways.
So here I am, over a month later with my ‘free’ ($12) swimsuit. I’d like to point out that I bought the suit in early May, and received it in the middle of June. I’d also like to point out that the company is in California, and I am in California. The company is literally a couple hours away from my house. It took the shipping service a couple of hours to get the package to my house, yet those two quirky guys sent it over a month after the fact! But that’s just cute and quirky, right? Sos.
But hey, I still got the package so it can’t be too bad, right? BISH, YOU WRONG AGAIN.
Starting out, it didn’t seem too bad. Straight out of the package, it felt like a swimsuit, it smelled like a swimsuit, so in my eyes it was a swimsuit. Then I unfolded it and died a little inside.
Oh wow. So those guys at SunnyCo are quirky and have a sense of a humor because this has GOT to be a joke. Look at those boob pads and tell me there is a God, I dare you. But hey, may be it’ll be okay once I put it on, right?
WRONG AGAIN, BISH. For blogging purposes and self-respect purposes, I decided to wear a shirt in these pics because damn, where’s the rest of the swimsuit? (**Side note: look at that cute ass bug bite on my side, do you all see it? Just making sure because it’s my main pride and joy in my life. Rip me). So those boob pads shift a lot and are rarely not poking out. If I had to describe this swimsuit/art piece (because this is true beauty if I’ve ever seen it)(hold on, I’m throwing up brb)(how quirky) in one word, that word would be: Thin. The material? Thin. The straps? Thin. The entire silhouette? Thin. Thin af. Yah, this does nothing for your body except cover half of your nipples and some of your great-down-under, but by that point why wear anything at all? The only thing cute about this look is the tiny seahorse on the back, but it represents such a shit company so I’m not down.
In any case, I want to do something with it so I don’t completely waste my money, but I’m not sure what that something is (well, I want to set it on fire and watch it slowly burn, but that’s wasteful).
One thing is for sure- when I go to the beach tomorrow with many of my distant relatives, guess which bathing suit I’m NOT wearing.