So here I am, writing this post late at night- because why would I plan ahead (idiot)- and I thought to myself ‘wow, I’m tired as fuck, my brain is barely working, what a perfect time to answer some more deep questions’ (as a part 2 to Answering Deep Questions + Eating Taco Bell @ Midnight). As I started to type out deep questions, Google suggested ‘deep questions for her’. No way, I’m a ‘her’, how fitting. When I saw the websites, none of them really jumped out at me, except for ‘Top 75 Questions To Ask A Girl You Like– Deep Conversation Starters’. Oh, the memories of pathetic middle school nights, where I would look up this kind of shit all the time to find out if my crushes liked me back (are you cringing yet, because I think I’ve hit maximum capacity of cringe and I am now numb to it)(it’s fine, it’s chill). Instead of answering these ridiculous questions, I thought it would be fun to react to them and think of how the situation would actually go down if you asked a girl you liked these questions.
Now 75 is a big ass number, so I’m going to stick to the first 20 questions and if you guys like it enough then maybe I’ll do the rest in parts- but let’s stick with 20 for now.
1. How does love and affection play a role in your life?
Oh. Oh wow. What a subtle start to this already doomed relationship. I mean what answer is ideal in this situation? If she says it literally plays no role in her life, then bye bish. If she starts getting really into it, then bye creepy bish. Just in general, what a fucking creepy question. If a guy asked me this (worded exactly the same), I would be so confused. What does this even mean? Is it a new way to ask if you have a partner already or what? I’m so lost, somebody help me.
2. What’s one thing you’ve done, but will never end up doing again?
Again, I don’t see this one ending very well. If the girl wouldn’t do it again, then there’s probably some kind of bad connotation with it. Like I just see some naïve dude asking this question and the girl saying something like ‘oh I traveled to Alaska once but I’ll never go back because my dad got eaten by a bear on that trip, what a bummer’ or ‘one time I drank so much at a party that everything in my body shut down and I went into a coma, woke up as a dog and it took years of therapy to realize I’m actually a woman, what a trip am I right’ or some kind of regret like ‘I fucked my best friend’s boyfriend’ – who knows, it just seems like a bad time okay?
3. Who’s your best friend?
Dude, why do you fucking care? Are you making sure it’s not another dude or something? Are you trying to see if there’s a cuter option? Odds are you won’t even know the person- I don’t get it lol.
4. Name one of your biggest fears.
What is this going to accomplish. What if the bish says ‘spiders’, what are you going to do then. Or another cliché like ‘heights’. If I asked a crush this and got one of those boring-ass answers, bye bish- maybe that’s the goal of this question, to see if the girl is even worth your time. No shame to those who actually would say those answers, but I feel like the conversation would just die- at least with me. I like when people give answers that are unique and clearly took some kind of brain power to come up with- unlike ‘spiders’.
5. What do you value the most when it comes to friendship?
BOY ARE YOU TRYING TO GET FRIEND-ZONED? Idiot.
6. Do you think your child hood was happier than others?
Okay, really, what the fuck. The options: 1) Yes = wow you think you’re better than everyone else; 2) No = wow you’re about to bring the mood down to new levels.
7. What’s your most bizarre or weirdest deal breaker?
This is risky business, dude. Props to the guys who would actually ask this because what if the girl just describes you (which is literally something I would do because I’m a sarcastic asshole and can’t help myself). I like this question. This question wins for me.
8. What’s the best present or gift you’ve ever received from someone?
Dude, does anyone remember the best present they’re ever received? Honestly, I don’t know a single person who could answer that question immediately- or who would want to. Plus, it’s just a boring question. Like once the girl comes up with an answer, after having to think about it for a while, you know it won’t be worth the wait. ‘Socks’.
9. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
This one is cool, I dig this one. I don’t think there is really a wrong answer to this question, as long as they explain their answer- so this is a yes from me.
10. Who do you think knows you the best?
Interesting. I would’ve never thought to ask this question to a crush, but I don’t think it’s a necessarily bad one. The only thing is that you most-likely won’t know the person she answers with, so it’s very possible the conversation could die out.
11. What do you like or dislike about this city?
‘Dislike: You’. Sorry, I had to. I actually like this question, too! Ayy look at these questions making a comeback of the century. This question is dope because it seems more personal, like both of you live in the city so you guys can relate way easier. I dig it. 10/10.
12. If you could pick one, would you rather have infinite money or love?
Oh, awkward. This could get real awkward real fast. Abort.
13. What type of man are you attracted to?
Oh, god no. The chances of their answer getting too awkward are high as fuck. They very well could describe the opposite of you. Even if they did describe you, that’s a bit awkward too- maybe that’s just me but I never know what to do with flattery like that. Abort.
14. If you could undue anything from the past, what is it?
JESUS- BOY GET OUT. This is basically ‘what’s your biggest regret’ so fuck this question. Why bring up the bad parts of your past when you’re getting to know someone you like? Not down, not digging it, next.
15. What’s your favorite childhood memory?
Oh, right after that other childhood question about whether their childhood was better than the average or what not. This question is immensely better than that other childhood question, by far. Let’s just hope they had a somewhat decent childhood, right?
16. How often do you talk with your parents?
Oh no, please don’t mention parents when getting to know your crush. That just makes this all seem like both of you are kids. Let’s not ask this and say we did.
17. Are you working or going to school?
Ayy, this is important, and actually a valid question. Very adult. Very responsible.
18. What’s the nicest thing someone could genuinely say about you?
Oh god, I picture a douche asking this and then once the girl answers, he just says the same thing back to her. Excuse me as I roll my eyes to a thousand suns.
19. What is your ideal dream date?
Oh god. I think I’ve actually been asked this before in middle school or early high school and the dude was like ‘we should do that sometime’ and now I just want to cringe and die.
20. Which do you like more, going out or staying at home?
This is a pretty valid question- boring, but valid. I dig this one.
Well there you go, 20 ridiculous questions to ask the girl you like- done, drop the mic. Some of these aren’t terrible, which I was shocked to find out. Who knew these website could truly help some people? Not me, I’m shook. Let me know if you guys find any of these questions to be legitimate or are cringing from the sidelines like me!
Also, like I mentioned before, I’m down to do the rest of the 75 questions in separate parts, so let me know what you guys think!
hmu on Instagram: @wormal.bish